“Authenticity is the daily practice of letting go of who we think we’re supposed to be and embracing who we are.” Brene Brown
I think most people will agree that people generally have a longing to fit in and be accepted. For some people, this comes at a cost and they only realise it later when they are struggling with depression, anxiety, relationships and being able to get up in the morning.
True belonging according to Brené Brown only happens when we present our authentic, imperfect and somewhat strange selves to the world. The idea of belonging is a funny thing, on the one hand we want to be part of something bigger than ourselves, while on the other hand we want to stand alone and be our true selves. In this sense authenticity is the heart of belonging—that one must remain true to oneself to experience genuine connection with others. Brene Brown argues that this authenticity is essential for healthy relationships and personal happiness.
It can feel disheartening when doctors, psychiatrists, psychologists and other mental health professionals pathologise neurological differences. In Jenara Nerenberg’s book the “Neurodivergent Mind” she emphasises that traditional medical models are deficits rather than a variation of the human brain that is valuable in society. This idea is also supported by Lisa Feldman Barrett’s groundbreaking research on the human mind. In her book Seven and a Half Lessons From the Brain, she argues that each person’s brain constructs their own reality based on their culture and their own past experiences. This means no two brains perceive the world exactly the same way. As such Diversity enhances the brain’s ability to predict the world more accurately and will be more resilient and adaptable. This diversity of thought leads to more innovative and effective solutions because it combines multiple perspectives.
So what is Neurodiversity?
Neurodiversity is a concept celebrating the unique ways our brains work. It’s a concept developed by the autistic community where there is acceptance of neurological differences and diversity.
Here’s an interesting point: autistic people aren’t lacking in empathy or social skills, as some might think. Instead, they might struggle to connect with non-autistic people, similar to how misunderstandings can occur between different cultures. This is known as the “double empathy problem,” a term coined by Milton in 2012, highlighting that misunderstandings are often mutual. If you learn better with visuals, click on the link to watch a youtube video about the double empathy problem. Studies like Autistic peer-to-peer information transfer is highly effective show that autistic people can communicate well with each other, forming strong bonds and understanding one another without trouble.
Neurodiversity now includes a range of brain variations, like ADHD, Dyslexia, and Tourette’s, beyond just autism. This approach moves us away from seeing these differences as problems that need fixing. Instead, it suggests that the issues arise from the environment not accommodating these differences. Essentially, it’s not the person that needs to be fixed, but the environment that needs to change.
However, not everyone agrees on the term “neurodiversity.” Some, like Simon Baron-Cohen in 2019, note that it’s a controversial term, especially among parents of individuals with severe needs. They often prefer a medical approach focused on treatment and prevention. But those who support neurodiversity worry that such an approach could mean erasing the existence of autistic people, somewhat reminiscent of Eugenics. It is important to consider though that early research from Simon Baron-Cohen however has led to several misconceptions and untruths about autistic individuals such as lacking a theory of mind and not having empathy, which has led to an increase in marginalisation.
Understanding Neurodivergent Trauma: A Deeper Look
Trauma is a difficult topic, and when it comes to understanding it in the context of neurodivergence, things can get even more complex. Trauma, as defined by experts like Robert Scaer and Stephen Porges, is essentially about experiencing overwhelming negative events that leave a person feeling helplessly disconnected from others.
For those diagnosed with ADHD later in life, their journey often includes not just one, but multiple layers of challenging experiences. These can range from severe personal violations like abuse and violence to more subtle, yet equally damaging, experiences like social exclusion, discrimination, and persistent misunderstandings. Imagine going through life feeling constantly sidelined, misunderstood, or outright bullied—these are everyday realities for many neurodivergent individuals.
What’s more, discovering one’s autism as an adult can reveal new layers of past traumas that were never fully understood or addressed. This late diagnosis often coincides with other mental health challenges like psychosis, obsessive-compulsive disorder, or personality disorders, particularly if the diagnosis comes after the age of 21.
This layered trauma is not just about big, dramatic moments. It also involves the daily grind of feeling different and disconnected, which can be just as traumatic in its own right. So, when we talk about autism and trauma, we’re looking at a complex weave of experiences that deeply affect a person’s life and well-being. Recognising and addressing these issues is crucial in helping autistic individuals heal and connect in meaningful ways.
7 Ways to Embrace Neurodiversity and Heal from Trauma
1. Learn about yourself through neurodiversity affirming websites, books, and other neurodivergent peers – congratulations. By reading this blog and learning more about neurodiversity you are on your way to healing, recovery and growth. Diversity is important and paves the way for creativity and vitality. Here’s some resources to start with:
Youtube – Everything you know about autism is wrong and ADHD sucks but not really. Watch this video from Stephen Tonti on ADHD being a difference.
Website – Reframing Autism is an Australian website run by autistic advocates educating the public including professionals about Autism
Article – Autistic peer-to-peer information transfer is highly effective
2. Cultivate Understanding and Self Acceptance Acknowledge and Celebrate your strengths and the natural expressions of your autistic brain. heir autism deeply, fostering a sense of self-acceptance and helping them to build a positive identity around their neurodiversity.
3. Understand that your neurodivergent brain is struggling because the world is not designed for differences or the minority groups. Advocate for yourself and disconnect from the critical part of yourself that has internalised ableism. This can lead to more self acceptance and kindness. Yes there are struggles but you are not disordered or defective.
4. Work towards being comfortable with yourself: Explore Sensory Preferences. Pay attention to individual sensory sensitivities and preferences, such as particular textures or sounds, and adapt environments accordingly to make them more comfortable for you so that it can lead to easy navigation in life.
5. You don’t need to wear your ‘mask all the time’ – Remember that masking was a way for you to cope, and in some ways autistic people like to call it adaptive morphing. Some people do this to make life easier and experience less stress in public settings or situations that don’t make them feel comfortable. Masking has shown to be correlated with poor mental health and wellbeing. Find ways you can feel comfortable to be with yourself with others. This will lead to better health.
6. Foster Social Connections on Your Terms: Create opportunities for yourself to form connections that respect their social preferences and boundaries, emphasising quality of interaction over quantity. Healing the trauma of years of disconnection from your authentic self, starts with establishing safe relationships. You will start to thrive when you have people around you who understand your strengths and your struggles and support you in those without judgement. We have a Manifesto for allies adopting an acceptance approach to Autism and a Letter on using neurodiversity-affirming language you can share with your support network.
7. Seek professional help from those trained and experienced in Trauma-Informed and Culturally Sensitive Care: Seek out therapists and healthcare professionals who understand the unique needs of neurodivergent individuals and utilise trauma-informed approaches. Neurodivergence is part of who you are, but you can get help to navigate the challenges and heal from trauma.