No, Bad Parenting Didn’t Cause Your Autism or ADHD
There is a lot of stigma and confusion about neurodiversity especially Autism and ADHD which have a lot of negative stigma associated with them. There are lots of different types of neurodivergence but this article focuses on ADHD and Autism. A lot of people hold very strong beliefs about these conditions, many of which aren’t related to anything even closely resembling the truth. A really common one is that bad parenting can somehow cause neurodiversity and that good parenting (usually extremely strict parenting in the mind of someone with this belief) can prevent or fix it.
Why yelling at your kids won’t make them better at socialising
The reason people believe these things is that deep down they feel better believing that they won’t have neurodiverse children if they do the right things and raise their kids the “right way”. This is because they view neurodivergence as extremely bad and an indictment on them as parents. It also allows them to view parents of neurodiverse children as low skill or poor quality. The truth is that despite science not yet knowing the precise reason why some people have ADHD or Autism and some don’t, we can actually tell that it is biological and that there probably isn’t anything anyone could have said or done to prevent it. This is especially true of ADHD which has medication that can vastly improve the lives of many people with ADHD. The truth is that overly strict or critical parenting can actually make the experience of ADHD or Autism worse as parents teach the wrong skills to children or give them attachment styles that hinder them later in life (see our blog post here). You may be wondering why I’m focusing so much on strict parenting. The reason I’m doing so is that the sad truth is most people who think this way believe that the stricter you are and the more you punish the better a child will “turn out”. Think old school spare the rod spoil the child types.
Ultimately the “it’s your parent’s fault” argument is based on the longstanding psychological fallacy that all your problems are because of your parents which is, like most conspiratorial or evidence-less beliefs, based around the idea that it’s easier for a lot of people to believe that the world is fully under someone’s control rather than that things just happen sometimes. Though that isn’t to say that your parents can’t give you issues as I’m sure we all know.
Other weird things people think
There are some other misconceptions about neurodiversity running around as well. The most common is the “kids these days are so weak!!! Back in my day autism and ADHD didn’t exist. People just need to get over it and be more strict on these troublesome kids!!!”. Jokes aside, the belief that Autism and ADHD are over diagnosed and perhaps even not real is very common. Sometimes even from people who have been diagnosed with these conditions. There are several different reasons for this.
Overdiagnosis
To bust the myth of overdiagnosis, let’s consider the evidence. The Australian evidence-based clinical practice guideline for attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) indicates that ADHD is underdiagnosed in Australia and it is a serious issue. So serious in fact, that it resulted in an Australian Senate Inquiry in 2023 into the significant barriers to accessing timely and appropriate assessment, diagnosis, and support services. They made 15 recommendations which included shifting attitudes and stigma associated with ADHD (read the recommendations here).The research on autism diagnosis. has also found that girls and women tend to be less recognised or underdiagnosed because they tend to mask or hide their autistic traits and characteristics better than men and boys do.
Some people just don’t realise that despite what they’ve read not every second kid is being diagnosed as neurodivergent. Similarly they may point to the underdiagnosis when they were younger and not realise that just because something is being observed more often doesn’t mean it’s actually increasing in frequency. ADHD or Autism can also present to someone without understanding like disinterest or lack of discipline. Though I’d argue even in that case being incredibly strict is unlikely to produce positive results.
ADHD and Autism Aren’t Real
The “not real” argument is a little harder to pin down but ultimately it occurs because a lot of people don’t realise how obvious and intense the effects of neurodivergence can be. This is why conditions like these are called “hidden disabilities” whilst it might be obvious to someone with autism that they have difficulty connecting to people a random stranger would likely have no idea. They see someone living a relatively normal life and see it as an example of a real but unrelated condition called over-pathologization. Basically they think big pharma or the secret society of psychologists are diagnosing loads of people with conditions to make more money. The truth is that these conditions just went unrealised or underdiagnosed for quite a long time.
ADHD and Autism are Curable
You can’t cure autism or ADHD, no amount of medication or therapy will make your underlying brain structure change. What psychology can do is help you live a happier, more productive life. Someone with autism can learn new social skills or how to channel their hyperfixations in ways that can make them and the people around them happier. People with ADHD can learn focusing techniques and strategies for keeping energy even in mundane or uninteresting situations. Ultimately if you ever hear someone talk about curing neurodiversity they’re either wrong or lying and you should be careful. You should also be aware that you’re a person of value no matter your brain and that you can live a happy healthy life that is the equal of anyone with a more average brain.